Operation Pregnancy: Big Fat Fail.

Yup, numero 4 IUI was a big fat fail once again. Can someone just snap me out of this nightmare I'm having? Seriously. This whole " hope" thing is getting old and it's beginning to tear me apart. I'm starting to dread it when the conversation of my friends becomes about their children and what milestones they reached. I try and put a happy face, but I can't help but feel as if I'm the odd man out. 

I'm really trying to understand why? Why this is happening to us? Why can't I get pregnant when our numbers look so good? or when the timing of our IUI are near perfect? 

As much as I don't want to, we are probably going to move on to injectibles. I hate needles. Despise them. To think that I might have to inject the medicine by myself just freaks me out. 


So, this month we are taking a break. Mr. Dubyah will be out of town the weekend I"m ovulating and well, we have an office visit to discuss what's next with our doctor.

Surprisingly, with this fail, I'm eager for the Christmas season that is just around the corner. Usually, I"m a traditionalist and wait to decorate the house and start Christmas shopping until after Thanksgiving. But the other day, I got the itch to decorate the house. 

Can I just express to you how excited I was to have a mantel this Christmas season? Last year, I was bummed that we couldn't hang up our stockings. It looked pretty ridiculous with the white 3M rubber hangers.  

I decided to go with a multicolor assortment of ornaments this year as opposed to the last two years where it's been a gold-bronze color. I am kinda diggin' the multicolor theme, I must say. It makes me smile. 

I got to use some of the ornaments that I purchased during the post Christmas sales last year. Like these bird cage ornaments.  Cute, yes?

 

A Smiles Brings all the Good Things in the World.

On Saturday, I took an ovulation test and this beautiful smile came out on the screen. The next day we did our third IUI and baby danced thereafter..... 

I am sometimes in awe of how much one can put themselves in "hope." I'm putting all my hopes and dreams in this third IUI. I really hope that the third time is a charm and in two weeks I'll see another happy face. 

Last night, I watched the premiere episode of Guiliani and Rancic's reality show, Season 3. I cried the entire time as she was going through the shots because I understood her hopes and fears. It truly is a hard thing to go through. You put your body through so much and top of that, you put all of your hopes and dreams in this whole trying to conceive the science way. 

I cried when I they announced they were pregnant on their first IVF try with twins! But, I was so sad to find out later online that she had a miscarriage at 9 weeks. 

Night and Day.

What a difference a different doctor can make. Oh, I just wished that the headmaster of the clinic was the person doing all my IUI's. Heck, I wished that he did the first one because he surely is awesome! 


This morning Mr. Dubyah and I went in for our third IUI. Yesterday, the headmaster scanned my uterus and found 1 mature follicle at 23mm and two on the left ovary measuring at 16mm each. He gave me the ovidrel shot to help with the maturation of the 16's and ovulation and guess what, this morning, he scanned me a second time to make sure that the eggs ruptured! Am I shocked? Heck yes. 


The last two IUI's, the rookie, didn't scan me; he just did the insemination.  In fact, the headmaster wanted to scan me not only to ensure that the eggs ruptured but to see if we needed a second insemination. WTF? 


I've always wondered why the rookie didn't scan me the second time to take a look and see if the eggs ruptured or not. It just made sense to scan me. But, being passive aggressive coupled with the fact that I want to entrust that he knows what he's doing, I didn't pose the question whatsoever. 


So, today, when he scanned me, all three follicles ruptured which means there are three eggs awaiting for Mr. Dubyah's sperm. Run, sperm, run! 


What I also like about the headmaster is that he explains everything without you even inquiring. I love that! It's like he contemplates every question and knows when to answer them. 


Here's to hoping third time is a charm!

Anxious

I am so hating my body today. But, I knew I should have waited. I guess I got all "cocky" knowing that I always show a positive on Day 13 of my cycle. But when the kits showed negative, not once but twice this am,  I got nervous. Like, desperate, oh shit, nervous!

 I tend to show a positive surge on the ovulation kits later in the morning, like around 1100-12pm'ish. But, nooo, stupid me, had to test twice before that time frame and give the clinic a call telling them that I did not see a positive surge. So now, I'm stuck with an appointment to see them tomorrow morning at 0815 despite me telling them that I show a positive later in the morning. The RN said something that I could take so many and that it creates a false positive? Say What? Whatevers. I'm just going with it. Maybe it could be a good thing. Like, the timing of it all can be perfect, right?


Let's just hope for the best. I'm so anxious right now. I keep looking at the ovulation kit that I just took and it screams ovulating. Ok, Ok, it's maybe not screaming, but it's certainly "informing" me. 


I know this is a horrible picture of the kit and you can vaguely see the line. I'm not going crazy! Really, I see it.

Well, here's to IUI#3 tomorrow. Please God, let this be the cycle we get pregnant. Please!!!

The Bright Side.

On the bright side of this whole, " not being pregnant," thing is that, hey!, I can grub on some oysters this coming weekend! 

I've been planning a trip for our close family and friends to have a little picnic at Tomales Oyster Farm in Point Reyes, CA. I am a huge fan of oysters. Huge! So, least to say, I'm wildly excited about this trip even though it's quite a trek for us. It's roughly a 2-3 hour drive and from what I hear, it can be a very twisty ride. 

What we get to do is snag our table as it's a first come first serve basis. Then, we go ahead and purchase a bag or two or three of oysters. Depending on the size (extra small, small, medium, large), the price can range for a bag of 50 oysters can range from $35.00 to $70.00.  


I'm so looking to some quality time with the family.

Big Fail.

I think I'm ready now to talk about this. Huge disappointment. Heck, even my doctor and nurse were surprised since I responded so well to the medications and Mr. Dubyah had a great count. 

I'm. Not. Pregnant. 

A few days prior to having to take " the test", I had a feeling that I wasn't. I was feeling my period symptoms in my stomach area. I knew it was the period symptoms because they were aches I've felt far too often.  And yup, come Sunday morning as I woke up and went to the bathroom for my morning pee, there it was. Part of me was hoping that I was wrong and that I was pregnant. 

So, here's to hoping in the sayin, " Third times a charm." 

Tomorrow is "D" Day.

Tomorrow will be the end of my two week wait of my second IUI. I must say, I had absolute no desire to test early in the week as I did with my last IUI. I still have no desire to test tomorrow. Ultimately, I think I"m going to wait it out through the weekend and pretty much wait and see. Call me callous? Yes. I've developed a callous on this so-called infertility journey. I'm scared to see what the test will result will be. 

Its funny how a single small window can practically change your entire life. Your emotions. Your mentality. It's pure agony. 

I've been thinking alot lately whether or not I should continue on with a third IUI if I'm not pregnant with this cycle. I kinda want to take a break. Focus on me.... eating better, losing at least 20 pounds, gather my belongings and taking control basically.