Control

Just like, Janet Jackson, I want to be in controooooooooool. 

I was thinking this afternoon why I keep getting frustrated over this whole baby making journey. It basically comes down to me being in NO control over this entire journey. 

I can't control the fact that my body decides to up and create a cyst in my ovary. 

I can't control the fact that my body decides to grow some endometriosis along the lining of my uterus.

I can't control the fact that my body responds well to Clomid but yet can't seem to get the egg and sperm to meet.

I can't control the fact that I can't get pregnant.

Once I get in control, I know life would be easier. But, when will that happen? I need some sort of control soon. 

 

Fit Flops and Bestie Visits

One of my besties from Las Vegas came into town a few weekends ago. Yay for "bestie" visits! Anne is a long time friend of mines dating back to the highschool days. She was even a bridesmaid in our wedding and we were able to plan our weddings together as they were only a couple months apart!

 FYI: Anne is the beautiful bridesmaid to the left of me.

Ofcourse, there was some good eating involved. We started the day with having some lobster rolls at Old Port Lobster Shack in Redwood City. Been hearing tons of good things about this place. Needless to say, I was excited. More excited than everyone else in the party which was pretty lame. 

I got the "maine" lobster roll which is the basic roll with lobster and mayo mixed in. Comes with fries and coleslaw. Unfortunately, I was a bit disappointed. It was lacking in flavor =( Boooo. So much for that! But, I was really excited and enjoyed my very first root beer on tap. Never before had root beer on tap and I have to say this is the only way to go when it comes root beer. You taste all kinds of flavors ranging from vanilla to molasses. 

 Since her husband is not originally from California, but from West Virginia, we played tourist in San Francisco for him. Walked a ton around the city in different neighborhoods. Can you believe I've never in all my 30+ years have never been to the Haight Ashbury district? It was tons of fun seeing all the different stores and smelling the "lovely" fresh air. 

We also wandered the Mission district because our favorite ice cream shop is there. It's called Bi-Rite Creamery. If you are ever in the SF area, specifically the Mission District, you MUST try this place. Long lines, yes, but I promise you, you won't be disappointed. They have the most unique flavors that are out of this world. We had our usual, roasted banana. But, I tried a new flavor which was their Earl Grey and holy! It was sooooooooooooo good!

It was such a beautiful day, we thought we'd take Anne's husband to the Castro area.  

Fun Anne's Husband Fact: Did you know he thought Berkeley was in Oregon? 

So, yeah we head over to the Castro area and we couldn't get over the fact how there were so many "fallic" names for stores. We saw a store named " Mobey Dick", then "Hand Job" which was a "spa" shop. Riiiiiiiiiiiiight. 

All the walking we did around the various neighborhoods had my feet screaming in pain. I was wearing flip flops that had absolutely zero support and to make matters worse, they were thin and flat. It was mucho no bueno. I was so envious of Anne's fit flops that she purchased and was happily walking around the city with no problems whatsoever. Whaaaaaat?? I need to get some of those asap and I certainly did! 

I love them, too! I ordered the Pietra style in black just like Anne.  I love how they can be dressy when worn with jeans that are a bit flared or boot cut because it has a jeweled tone thong. A bit pricey, yes, but in my words, worth it. I already took Maddie on a walk with them, too!

Not Sure What to Think?

Well, I got my AF a couple of days ago. Today was my baseline ultrasound to check my lovely ovaries out. What do yanno? There's a freakin' corpus lutuem cyst in my left ovary. Although my babydoctor daddy told me that it's nothing to lose sleep over because it's from the Clomid, I am losing sleep. I can't help but be bummed that once again, there's a freakin' delay in this whole baby making journey. 

Is this whole trying to have kids even meant to be for us? 

At the same time, I'm thinking, "sawweeet, no injectibles, yet!" Party time! 

I just want to curl up in a ball and cry. 

 

And So It Begins....

My injectibles were delivered yesterday. Sigh. I really wished we didn't have to cross this road. I remember when we first started this whole infertility treatment, how much hope and trust that we were going to get pregnant, dare I say it... get pregnant easily with a simple IUI and clomid medication. I truly, truly did think that we were going to get pregnant with using the clomid only. 

So here we are. Meds layed out and everything and I let out a huge exhalation and pray to God that this will work.  

Mini Vacay to Hawaii

Mr. Dubyah and I just returned from our mini vacay to Honolulu, Hawaii. Back in October, Pleasant Hawaiian was having a fabulous airfare deal. $300 per person roundtrip. We are hardly the spontaneous couple to take far away trips, but when we saw the deal, we just couldn't pass it up. Plus, we've been fiending for some good ole' Hawaiian food as you can see through the pictures below. All we did was eat, eat, eat.... But that's a good thing, right?

In fact, right when we landed, we checked in our bags and headed straight a Ramen place. I swear, I'm obsessed with finding the perfect ramen place. Whenever we are in the bay area or somewhere in Southern California, I try and search for ramen places to try. 

On this trip, we got to try two ramen places, Ramen Nakamura and Gomaichai Ramen.  The two places are different as they specialize in two different broths. Ramen Nakamura specializes in oxytail broth (the hubby had the oxtail, while I had the hakata) and Gomaichai specializes in a tan tan broth which is a very spicy pork broth that takes roughly 12 hours to cook. This was my first time to try a tan tan broth and while I thought it was good, I do prefer a miso or hakata based broth. 

 {Hakata Ramen @ Ramen Nakamura}

{Tan Tan Ramen @ Gomaichai}

We ate tons, and I mean, tons of musubi's. Another food item I am obsessed with. It's funny though, because it's such a simple type of food, too! 

 
If you aren't really sure what a musubi is, it's basically a rice ball that's filled with some type of meat such as spam, sausage, tuna and it's wrapped in a nori seaweed wrapper. Basically it's Hawaii's version of sushi and I'm so obsessed with them.

We were buying them nearly everyday of our trip and heck, for our trip back home.

See, I told you I am obsessed with musubi's. Look how many are in that bag! 

We did find time to lounge in between our food adventure's. Sitting by the pool and drinking lava flow's were my cup of tea. It was kinda hard to get "comfortable" in Oahu. There are so many people there and the streets are always hustling and bustling with cars, people, restaurants, etc that you hear tons of noises. So, I must admit, it wasn't the best relaxation but don't get me wrong, I'd take this type of relaxation anyday!

I can never get bored of this view. Who wouldn't? 

The only picture taken of Mr. Dubyah and I was this one. Pretty funny. All of our pictures are of our food. 

Cake Pops. Yay or Nay?

Since the Bakerella era days, I've always thought cake pops were so adorable. I subscribe to Bakerella's blog and with each blog, I would drool over her pretty little cake pops and dreamed of a day when I could try a cake pop. Seriously. I would dream.... 


Well, Starbucks has jumped on the cake pop bandwagon recently. Read the news about them!  In fact, they had a promotion last week giving them out for free. Where was I? I had no idea. Not a dam clue! It's because of Facebook that I heard about the cakepops. All of my friends were getting their grubby hands on them. 


I finally trudged into Starbucks and scooped up one of each flavor that they had on hand. 

Starting with the pink one, known as the birthday cake pop was waaaaaaay to sweet. I needed water to wash it down. Not my fave at all. 


The tan colored with the espresso bean is the tiramisu cake pop and it was my favorite out of all three. It wasn't too sweet and the flavor of the tiramisu was just enought. I think it would taste great with coffee. 


The dark chocolate is the rocky road cake pop and again, it wasn't my favorite. A bit too chocolaty for me and too sweet. 


Would I buy these again? Probably not. Each is supposedly under 200 calories each. That's a whole lot for something that is eaten up within 2 bites. Not worth my elliptical gym time. Plus, they are a bit on the pricey side. $1.50 each, $2.50 for 2, 6 for $7.50.

Random Thoughts Related to Baby Making

Random Thought #1. 

Bummed that I cannot run anymore. This past weekend, a popular local race occurred, The Shamrock Marathon and many of my friends participated in it this year. When I was entering races, I only had about two close friends who were into running. Now, I have a handful and it just sucks that I can't share the race experience with them. 

Random Thought #2.
Been watching the show, Deliver Me, on the OWN Channel and am strangely addicted to it. I wished they had a reality show that featured infertile couples just so the awareness of it is out there much more. Plus, its something I can relate to, much more, cry about while watching it. 

Random Thought #3.
Starting our injectible cycle in April. What can get I get my dirty pause on before all the craziness starts? Overload of sushi? Have drinking binges? Go to spin class as much as I can?

Random Thought #4.
Why do I feel so ashamed of my fertility problems? It's a constant question I ask myself daily. This whole fertility issue is such a self esteem problem with me. I can't help but feel "anxious" when I'm surrounded by many of my friends who are moms. I feel as though I'm the odd man out because I can't participate in the conversation. Plus, I begin think to myself that they are going to start questioning me as to when I'm going to start having children. 

Final Random Thought #5
I saw a coworker who got married about the same time as me and is preggers with a big ole belly. I feel like I've been flunking each grade and being held back with each passing wedding anniversary. It's like our wedding anniversary is an alarm for me reminding me, " yet another year we are childless."