And Then There Were None......

These past couple of months have been such an emotional roller coaster. One month, the cysts were ever present and throbbing in its all its glory and the next month--bam, they were gone. Its funny, last month, when I was in the office to get scanned to see if the cysts were still present, I was in a mood to have a " talk" with the doctor about my present state. I was on the verge of leaving the clinic for another one. 

But, last month, the cysts were gone. Zip. Nada. I was amazed that they just disappeared. Then, for some reason, the doctor wanted to ensure that the cysts were gone, so he had me come again this month for another scan. I curse myself for not inquiring as to why we couldn't start the fertility tx's and I think the doctor that examined me this month wanted to know why too! 

So, as of now, I'm currently cyst free and as soon as I start my AF, I shall be finally starting my fertility tx's. I remember when I first received the injection medicine, I was scared about the whole needle process. Now, I really don't give a rat's ass. Let's start this baby, now! 

 

September, Huh?

I'm usually a person that is cautious when it comes to psychic readings. It kinda scares me because I don't really want to know or just hear what their predictions have to say even though they could be some sort of fraud. My motto for life is to just live and not worry.

But, right now, in this moment of my life, I'm desperate. 

Several weeks ago, I was reading an entry from, The Life of Husband and Wife and how she sought, for fun, a little psychic reading from a woman named Cherri via email. She's a baby fertility psychic and by that I mean, she has the ability to inform you of your fertility journey. It's a small fee ($12) for a little psychic fun. So, I splurged and without any hesitation, I went for it. 


Today, I got my reading. My heart fluttered as my email loaded and I eventually smiled with butterflies in my heart. 


I thought of my husband, Mr. Dubyah. This is exactly how he is. 


The reading gave me hope once again. Right now, I'm pretty down because of the cyst and being on birth control. I feel like we are at a standstill because we aren't taking steps towards making our little family. But, after reading this entry from Cherri today, I smiled and it was genuine.


Here's my reading:

Thanks for being patient with me while i got back to your reading. They show me a BOY and they relate him to SEPTEMBER so this is either birth month, conceive month or the month you find out in.

 

Your son is someone who is always going to be able to figure things out easily. Almost like as if it was for a baby, but yet its something that even some adults are finding to be tricky. Always going to have amazing focus and really pays close attention to what is happening around him. Often being involved in many things rather than just one.

 

He has good friends, tends to hang out in a larger crowd rather than just one on one.. hes very social, loves getting to know people and just sharing experience. Hes always really honest and tries to be helpful with people. Not just whatever they happen to be doing at that time, but helping them to get back on track. Hes someone who I would consider to be very compassionate, Often understanding of someones situation before they even have a good idea of what is going on.. hes usually already pinpointed the issue, and is more than willing to help them on it.

 

I am seeing your son, always being very trust worthy.. hes mature for his age, and seems to be really mellow. When everyone else is freaking out, your son is watchful. Paying attention to the details and able to put things into better perspective. He loves science, so any contests through school (like science fairs) is something that your is amazing with, and seems to love public speaking. Can be in front of the class and pretty much tell them whatever he needs to. (hes always confident)

 

When it comes to career paths, they show him working in a councilor type fashion. I am seeing him working with people who have addictions or addictive type personalities.

 

When it comes to marriage I am seeing him closer to 28. They will have two girls and one boy of  their own.

 

Courage.

Sigh. I am honestly at a loss for words these days. I was courageous and scheduled my baseline ultrasound on my 3 year wedding anniversary. To be honest, I was hoping for some wonderful news, but in the back of my mind, I knew it wasn't going to happen. I was imagining me smiling as soon as I heard the RE announce that all ovaries are clear and it's a go to start the treatment. 


Sadly, that wasn't the case.

So, the cysts are still present. Another round of birth control and if it doesn't clear up next month, another round of surgery. I'm so over the surgeries these days. This is the most exposure I've had with getting my insides opened and it plain sucks. My belly button has a permanent scar and just below my tummy, I have yet another permanent scar-- all from the laparascopy in January. 

I just want to curl up in a ball and cry. Why me?

I Feel As Though....

we've taken a step back..... This past Saturday I went in to get an ultrasound because my AF finally, finally, came through. 

The cyst on the left ovary has disappeared--great! But now, on my right ovary, a small cyst has developed-- F! 
 
It was a different doctor that did the ultrasound and I like him alot more than the other two doctors that I've seen at the clinic. His bedside manners are awesome, he takes the time to actually talk with you about your situation making you not feel so rush and just another patient. I felt like I was his one and only patient. 


I worked the night before and was running on two hours of sleep. As we were sitting in the doctor's office and as he was explaining to us what our options should be, I could feel the tears well up. I tried the best I could to hold it back, and I guess it was good that I did, but I'm not sure if it was good. I ended up crying in the car on the way home. 


Why?


I'm on birth control pills to hopefully make the cyst disappear.

Now, I wait until the last week of May to do another ultrasound and see if the pill did its job. 


The bright side about all of this (I guess), is that we can go and celebrate our wedding anniversary this weekend out of town.

A New Day, Thank Goodness.

Yesterday was a bad day for me. I was overwhelmed with sadness as soon as Mr. Dubyah left for work in the morning. Not sure why, but my guess is that my frustrations of trying to get preggers is starting to reach its maximum. 


Every time I would even talk about how depressed I was, tears would well up in my eyes and I would lose it. Just lose it. I'm starting to think that maybe I should seek my work's EOP and see a therapist. 


So, I took off to a friend's house who is also going through the same thing as us, except she's more put together than I am. I'm a wreck! Her calmness and her lending ear helped me tremendously. It's good that she also has a little dog to play with Maddie whom isn't afraid of big dogs. 

 Sometimes, a little doggie therapy can mend a sad girl's heart.

A Hot Day with a Refreshing Snack!

Today's weather high was 90 degrees!!! It's only 4 days into May and we are already at 90 degrees--crazy! I'm wondering if these are signs of us going to have a sweltering heated summer. 

Today, I spent the early afternoon with the BFF. She was craving sushi and I couldn't say no! Plus, I wanted to try out some DavePops at our local farmer's market. 

They are nothing like the icy popsicles that you buy at the grocery store. The texture is smoothie like--thick and creamy, which I later found out is how they are actually made--just like a smoothie! Oh, and they are not bad in the nutrition department. About 100 calories per pop and they are made of whole fruits, juices, and some are made with soy or nut milks. I saw that some are made with soda drinks and energy drinks, but I didn't try those out at all. A Red bull pop doesn't sound appealing. 

I needed this day out. Still waiting on my impending AF and I must say it's pure torture. I wished that it would just come already and not tease me with some brown spotting bs. 

A Tease of Summer

It already feels like summer is here on the west coast. The weather has been nothing but gorgeous. All I have to say, is keep the sun shining! 

Last night's dinner was some yummy chicken with asparagus and mushroom stir fry compliments of Mr. Dubyah. I always tease him that since his ethnicity is Chinese that he makes the BEST stir fry ever. Hah!

Since I was feeling kinda down because of my impending AF, we indulged after dinner and went out for some family ice cream at a local creamery called, Leatherby's. I just wanted a scoop of my favorite flavor, toasted almond. 

Even Maddie got in on some family ice cream. We bought her favorite peanut butter and banana ice cream cup. It's an organic dog ice cream called Yoghound.  

She always seems to know when we buy it that it's her "special" treat. I love that! I can tell that she loves it because usually when a dog passes by, she'll try and greet them, but when she's busy licking away on her ice cream, she pays no attention to them. Oh Maddie, you are so funny!!!