Visited my other baby daddy doctor today at the clinic. Unfortunately, Mr. Dubyah couldn't make it with me as he had meetings all day. Boo. I don't really like going in alone, but a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do.
Surprised that there wasn't any fee with my visit. Woohoo! Score, right?
Doctor said that he found some endometriosis and if he were to describe it, it would be mild. He was able to remove them all and showed me the before and after photo's of the endo. Funny. He said my tubes, fibria, ovaries looked beautiful. I sorta blushed at that because I've never heard anyone describe a women's reproductive organs like that. But, I'll take it. Heh.
So, here's the plan.
Given our schedules these next two months, Mr. Dubyah and I decided to take a break for a couple of months and see if we get pregnant naturally now that everything has been checked out, or as the Doctor says, "we have the green light!"
If for some reason we don't get preggers, we are going to try injectibles with IUI, but only for a couple of times and then move on to IVF if the injectibles with IUI doesn't work, God forbid.
The doctor agreed that it sounds reasonable and a good plan to begin with. So, I"m keeping my fingers, toes and beautiful reproductive organs crossed and hoping for the best. 2011, please be good to me.
Just returned from a full weekend of fun, fun, fun with my best girlfriends, aka, " puma's." In case you need clarification, a puma is defined as according "distinctly" by Urban Dictionary.com: A woman who is not quite old enough to be a cougar, but still likes to date younger men.
Almost all of my girlfriends are married, so the definition that we still like to date younger men doesn't apply to us, hence the crossing out of the words.
We all managed to schedule our flights coming into San Diego around the same time. Everyone arrived from various parts of Sacramento, Bay Area, and even one person came in from another state.
We had tons of fun. Relived our college memories and had a great time just catching up with each other. Here is a summary of our trips through snapshots.
Post Op appointment is manana. Wish me luck! I hope I get some answers and what our next official steps should be. I gotta admit, I thought I was dead on going straight to IVF, but now, I'm second guessing myself. Thinking I should try injectibles with IUI.... we'll see.
While I'm absolutely grateful to be able to have an online support group that I can reach out to when it comes to infertility, I wish at times that I could have real life friends that I can also turn to. We really do feel alone alot because no one really talks about the subject. Sure, you find that some people talk about it after the fact they have children and well, that just plain sucks because you just gotta ask,
" where were you when I needed you before you had the children?"
I gotta be thankful though for my good friend, whom I'll call NP, short for nurse practitioner because she is one. She has been the saving grace to me and Mr. Dubyah. Literally. (She's the one on the right)
Since telling her that we have been having trouble trying to conceive she has been my coach. She has been my advocate. She has been the person who has put me in touch with some of her friends who have gone through infertility and succeeded just so that I can have some people to talk to if I have questions, need referrals, need answers, etc. Heck, she even said she would give us the money for the IVF and she was dead serious. But, we thought about it and ultimately decided that we are going to try and come up with the money on our own and if need be, we'll ask her and her husband as a very, very, very, last resort.
On that note, can I just say that I absolutely dislike the show, " I didn't know I was pregnant?" I watched a couple of episodes a few months back and it just bothered me that these women had no idea that they were pregnant. How the heck do you not know??? Do you just think you are extremely bloated? The kicker is that there are tons of these episodes which means there are tons of women who have experienced this.
" When you are a mom..." " If you are a mom..." When you get pregnant... I'll give these to you..." I absolutely despise these sayings when I hear them. Despise!! It's so difficult for me to swallow these, when, if's, when's', phrases from people, but why? Is it because I make myself feel self conscious about my infertility? Should I be self conscious about it? Should I embrace it and just accept what is my plan in life? Why is it that I allow myself to feel so inferior to these words?
This morning as I was getting ready for my day, I was thinking that if ultimately we decide to live a childless life, I would be okay with it. I am starting to come to grips that our plan to go through IVF may not work and that if it doesn't, then so be it. I think in the back of my mind, I'm trying to mentally prepare myself, should we have to make this decision.
This entry derives from spending a day with my BFF. While, I love her to death, it's just so hard for me to connect with her these days especially since she gave birth to a beautiful baby boy last year.
Hearing phrases like this just kinda pushes me away, but all the while, I know she doesn't mean any harm, so, I try to not let it get to me. But gah, all I heard were these words today....
This weekend, I'm taking a trip with my best girls and I'm scared that I'm going to feel the odd man out again as all but 1 other one is a mom. I pray.
The day after my laparascopy surgery was when I experienced the ugliest pain. Moving around, raising my neck was so hard to do and I gotta admit that at times, I was a big baby and shed some tears. I think most of it was just out of frustration. Thank God for my lovely husband. He literally was a angel as he waited on me hand and foot. Love him!
I'm not one to take pain pills, but I was popping Vicodin the day after every 4 hours, which ended up giving me the most craziest dreams. Fortunately, I didn't have to take the pain pills since Saturday and I have been able to walk around with more ease. I did have to extend my time off from work an extra couple of days making my total recovery time away from work a week. I thought I would be able to go to work today, but since my work requires alot of walking, sometimes, running, and moving patents and machines, I decided to take care of me and just rest up.
Shouldn't have drank the cup of Earl Grey Tea at 11:00 pm last night. It's the reason why I'm wide awake at 2:00 in the morning. Thank goodness for the OWN channel because it's a saving grace right now since there is absolutely nothing on tv at this time.
Yesterday afternoon, I went in for my baby making "tune up." I call it that because I had a whole bunch of stuff needed to be check. I had a laparascopy that ended up being an operation because the doctor found some endometriosis and removed them. I had a hysterscopy which he checked my uterus to make sure that the polyps I had removed in July, did not return and they didn't --(Yay!). I had a tubal dilation to make sure that my fallopian tubes were 100% open and they were-- (Double Yay!). I had another procedure done, but I can't recall the name of it for some reason.
Surgery was a success. More of a success because I wasn't nauseated at all unlike the last surgery. Thank God for a wonderful anasthesiologist. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to find out how much endometriosis there was as I was still groggy and Mr. Dubyah was in the cafe when the doctor went out into the waiting room to speak with him. Hopefully, we'll contact him tomorrow and found out the details.
Right now, I feel as if I have a clear head going into IVF. It feels good knowing that I have a clear answer as to why I wasn't able to conceive throughout the four cycles of IUI with Clomid. But, at the same time, it makes me wonder just a tiny bit if its going to hinder us getting pregnant. I guess reading article after article on endometriosis with infertility doesn't help the situation, yes?
We are very hopeful for 2011. Here's to having Dubyah babies!!!! *cheers*
Welcome 2011. I welcome you with big open arms. Please be good to me and Mr. Dubyah. Our only wish is that we have more positive things come through for us rather than lots of let downs.
Next week is my laparascopy surgery coupled with a hysterscopy to check to see if my polyps returned in my uterus. Oh joy. Yesterday, when I went in for my pre-op appointment, I nearly wanted to cry. I hate going to the fertility clinic. Absolutely despise it. It's a part of me that I wish I could just hide away in a back corner and never have to see it again. Sadly, life goes on and I have to pick up my big girly pants and suck everything up.
Mr. Dubyah and I do plan on moving on to IVF. I heart him. It was his idea to go straight because, in his words," why have any more let downs?" I couldn't agree with him more. So, 2011, cheers! Let's have a wonderful year, shall we?
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