Going in Knee Deep.

Breathe. Sigh. Ok, here goes. 

Well, a year and half ago, Mr. Dubyah and I got hitched after having a 10 year long distance relationship. We are one of those couples that "waited" until our mid to late 30's to get married because of our careers. Moreso, my career not his. He wanted to wait until we were both financially secure to make the vows of " till death do us part." 

Makes a whole lotta' sense, yes?  But, had I known the problems  we would encounter, I sure would have started my career a whole lot earlier. But that's not living life right? We never know what our future holds, unless we are some kind of genius psychic. 

Life post wedding was going great! Lived with my parents for a few months. Bought our first home together. Moved in. Got settled. Got a dog. Then, we finally decided to try for a baby. I mean, c'mon. How hard could it be? You have sex at the "right" time and next thing you know, you miss your period, get nauseated, throw up, take a home pregnancy test, see the double lines.......and yeah. I wish  that was the next step after we got our doggie, Maddie.  She's cute, huh? 


Woops, as I digress. Anyways, I really wished it went in that order. 


We've been trying for a whole year now and recently sought help from our beloved doctors. Mr. Dubyah's giz count results came back with a big fat FAIL. The second giz count came back a wee bit better. His boys surmised to be about 1.5 million which is in the low range, but still considered normal. However, the shape (morphology) and the way it travels (motility) came back way low in numbers. Morphology was >60 and the motility was something in the range of early 20's.


I have to say that the first time I saw his results, I nearly lost it. I thought the world was ending around me. But, the second set of results, I guess, I was a bit prepared to see them given I already knew the numbers the first time. Can I say, thank goodness? I guess. 


So, now here we are in that limbo stage. Mr. Dubyah has an appointment tomorrow with the fertility clinic to do a more detailed giz count. Why? I have no idea. I myself am waiting to call my OB this afternoon since I faxed him both of the results. I'm scared. I'm nervous. I think its because I don't want him to tell me out loud what I know I already need to do. The words, "infertility" still feel like a sucker punch to the stomach. Frankly, I still think I'm in the denial stage of it all. But, I'm just trying to trudge on and go through the motions. Keeping my fingers crossed until they are blue and hope for the best. 


Welcome to my life. Are you ready to take upon my journey to which I know is going to be an emotional rollercoaster? I'll be needing all the support I can get.